Papa is old school. He doesn't always have to buy things with money like the rest of us. Growing up on a farm, he learned the age old tradition of the barter system. You know: I have cucumbers and you have tomatoes - let's swap! I always found it fascinating to watch my dad go out to 'run errands' and 'pick up a few things' in the summer. In addition to checking that he had his wallet (which he usually couldn't find) he would spend time carefully loading a box of items from his garden, and setting it in the back of his vehicle. Many hours and visits later, he would come back home stocked up with a variety of items, always including a carton or two of eggs from a local farmer. In my dad's world, one DOES NOT EVER throw out or recycle an egg carton. Egg cartons are to be saved, and brought to his farmer friend, to be filled with more eggs.
My dad isn't a huge fan of the Big City. When he comes for a visit he usually finds an excuse to run an errand, or go for a walk. He finds the houses a bit too close together, it makes him antsy. One question he would always ask when he came here or when I went to them was: "Do you have any egg cartons?" I haven't recycled an egg carton in years, I keep a little stack in the garage, and would usually have three to five cartons saved up for my next visit - handing them to my dad, his eyes would light up like I was giving him bricks of gold.
I haven't seen my mom and dad since August 2020. My stack of egg cartons has been growing in the garage for months. Every time I add a carton to the pile it hurts my heart a little bit. Each carton represents time spent apart - with no clear end in sight. Visits, meals, laughter and stories missed. Time that we can't get back.
As we approach the one year mark (I refuse to use the word 'anniversary') of this very strange time, and apprehensively move towards a 'new normal' I am thinking about how much has changed, how different I am, how different we all are - especially for those who have lost loved ones. One year ago I referred to an article I read which perfectly detailed how, through the pandemic itself, we were all going through a grieving process. I still find this to be very accurate and true. Much like any great loss, we have been in shock for most of the past year, there has been denial, anger, depression... as we slowly move into acceptance. Interestingly, for me, much of this past year has also been peaceful, beautiful - an awakening and a realization that in many ways I don't want to go back to 'what was'.
But, the one piece that continues to break my heart is the 'missing'. The time with those we love, that we will never get back. The empty egg carton stack that continues to grow...
I miss you.
jbxo
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