If only.

The days are growing colder in Canada, but in another part of the world another summer approaches, and a family is missing their little girl. No matter what the weather is where you are, please share this message with every mom and dad you know.

For the Superprincess.

jbxo

Click on postcard to view larger.

Shared with permission from Sheye Rosemeyer.

Oh, so scary.

I went to the big city over the weekend to visit my lovely friend, Jenny. I was taking the train home after a very relaxing two days. We enjoyed some shopping, lunch with champagne, pizza and wine, an afternoon nap and a great night's sleep... ahhhh... I put on my iPod, leaned back in my seat, and began to close my eyes. No one was asking me for anything... just me, so very relaxed. Something caught my attention in the train car ahead of me. A figure swung around the corner, stealth-like... and was hiding behind the entry way to the car I was sitting in. I could feel my heart begin to pound harder. I could hear every beat in my ears. Slowly, methodically the figure was moving. Sliding something from it's back.... two very large, very sharp swords. I thought I was going to be sick. I could barely breathe. Then I saw the clothing... all dressed in black, face covered. A Ninja. How is this possible? A Ninja on the Go Train. Surely this couldn't be happening, certainly it wasn't all going to end like this. The Ninja then stormed down the steps, running towards me. I gasped, I was about to scream.... as the Ninja came nearer I closed my eyes tightly, and opened them just in time to realize the Ninja was a 6 year old boy, in his Halloween costume.

Boo.

jbxo

Photo: Nora's First Halloween 2007

deep thoughts...

I don't know why, but sometimes Julian gets in a contemplative, retrospective, somber mood. He will grow quiet, and sadly say to me: "Mommy, I don't want to die, because I will miss you - and I don't want my eyes to be closed all the time." Nora's response to this is (in a teary voice): "Mommy, I don't want to drive."

jbxo

Post-Modern Baby.

On Monday I was driving Julian and Nora home at the end of the day when the following conversation took place:

Julian: "Mommy, do you know where babies come

from?"

Me: (thinking, Oh God - this conversation can't really be happening... he is only 4.5yrs old... I haven't read that far ahead in the "how to take care of your children manual") "Um, how?"

Julian: "Babies come out of your bum, Mommy."

Me: "They do?"

Julian: "Yes Mommy. Babies come out of your bum, and they are black."

Me: (shocked, and about to lodge a formal complaint to school/daycare) "Julian, where did you hear that."

Julian: "My book."

Me: "What book?"

Julian: "My baby book."

Me: "What baby book."

Julian: "My baby book in my closet on the top shelf. The pink one."

Then it hit me. 1 month before Julian was born I found a Keith Haring book called: "Babies" and I fell in love with it. I purchased it in honour of our baby-to-be. On the inside cover I inscribed: "to Julian, love mom & dad xox 01.2005". I remember the excitement I felt making the purchase... picturing going through all of the wonderful works of art with my little baby boy. The book features one of Haring's signature images, the "radiant baby". As written on the inside cover, there are: "pregnant women dancing giddily, babies with halo and wings, cradled in their mother's arms or playing with their dad." About 6 pages into the book there is also the image of a woman (in blue) giving birth to a baby (in black) with the assistance of another individual (in green). I hadn't looked through the book since Julian was a baby. It is kept on the top shelf of his closet with all of his other "special books". Last week he had asked to look at it, and I happily handed it to him, thinking to myself: "Good choice, buddy!".

Yes, Julian at the fragile age of 4.5yrs is now fully versed on the in's and out's (literally) of childbirth, all because I wanted to raise him with a keen appreciation for art.

jbxo

joy.

My friend Lisa has always liked my handwriting, and she recently asked me to write this out so she could have it tattooed across her back.

joy: the passion of emotion excited by the prospect of possessing what we love.

Five years ago I also drew a butterfly that her mom had tattooed "somewhere" as well.

I can't really explain how it feels to know that my handwriting is out there, existing permanently on her, except to say that it brings me a lot of joy...

Thank you Lisa.

jbxo

the note.

It was a monumental day at our house today... Julian and Nora had a babysitter for the first time. Well, a babysitter who wasn't a blood relative for the first time. Call us over-protective, but they have never been watched by someone other than us, or a mom/dad/sister/brother... crazy, I know. They LOVED it. When Melanie left I asked Julian if he had fun, and his reply was: "Yes, I love her.".

About 5 minutes after Melanie left he asked if he could write her a letter, I told him I would write it if he wanted to tell me what he would like to say. The following is the exact transcript:

Dear Melanie,

Just a note to say: dress warmly, eat well, stay safe and sound. Grow your garden very big. We're always there for you.

Love,

Julian

We delivered the letter to her, and on the way home Julian said: "Oh, no... I forgot: 'keep on smiling'..." Luckily before he could overanalyze the missed sentiment he found a bottle cap on the ground (his new favourite toy/collectable item). He then exclaimed: "Wow! This is my lucky day!".

jbxo

She.

I have written about this lovely creature before... and her name has come up once again. Julian has recently taken to: "calling on" friends. As in knocking on their door, unannounced... looking for a play-date. Last night he wanted to call in on Anna, a sweet little girl who lives a few houses away from us. Unfortunately, Anna wasn't able to play, as she and her family were on their way out.

On the way home Julian trudged along, eyes on the ground. He looked up at me and said: "Mommy, Anna looked really nice. Almost like Sophia.".

I am quite certain that for the remainder of Julian's life all women will be compared against the immeasurable Sophia. Poor boy.

jbxo

I love you in the morning...

I love my office.  It is tiny and cozy, and decorated just the way I like it.  I sit in front of a HUGE window.  

Yesterday morning I was on a business call, when something out the window caught my eye.  I looked a bit closer.  Across the road there is a small hotel.  In that hotel there are many windows.  In one of those windows stood a naked man.  Please understand, he was not simply walking past the window, or even pausing for a quick glance outside while deciding whether to wear a T-shirt or sweater.  He was standing two inches from the window - completely and utterly naked.  The windows start around knee-height and go all the way up to the ceiling.  It was a full show.

Then she joined him.  His lady-friend, also fully naked.  They stood together and looked out the window.  Don't worry, they didn't see me staring, my window is tinted (thank God) and therefore I could continue to look, without appearing perverted (and while trying to remain focused on my business call).  They started to smooch a little, touch a little, and then they disappeared from view for three-and-a-half minutes (yes, I timed it on my computer clock).  He then came back for a little look outside, a little scratch "down there", and that was it.  Show over.  Back to work.  Nothing to see here.  I can not imagine ever standing naked in front of a hotel window in broad daylight.  I mean, at night, after a few glasses of wine, with all interior lights turned off, thus ensuring on-lookers from the outside can not possibly see in - maybe.  But at 10:00am on a Wednesday morning?  No.

I have no idea what picture to put with this post, so here is one of me - as naked as I'll get - in a bikini on the beach with my babies.  Oh yes, I get CRAZY at 10:00am when I'm on vacation!

jbxo

I don't want to be a pirate!

Julian has been fascinated by pirates for the last few weeks.  I think this fascination may have resulted from a super-cool pirate book from cousin Benny's third birthday party.  He even decided (in July) that he would be dressing up as a pirate for Halloween.

Saturday morning at 3am I awoke to Julian yelling:  "Mommy!  Mommy!"  I ran to his room to find out that he had a terrible nightmare.  About pirates.  He was very distraught:  "Mommy, the pirates locked me up on the boat, and it was scary!"

I explained to Julian that it was just a dream, there was nothing to be afraid of, and to think about all of the things he liked and he wouldn't have that dream again (my dad used to tell me this when I had nightmares of nuclear war when I was little - I know, I had some serious stuff on my mind when I was a little girl - he would tell me to think about kittens, and ice cream and clowns.  He didn't know I was also afraid of clowns... but, I digress).  I left the room.  I climbed back into bed.  I closed my eyes.  I drifted off to sleep... 

5 minutes later:

Julian:  "DADDY!"

Andrew:  "Yes?"

Julian:  "I don't want to be a pirate for Halloween, okay daddy?"

Andrew:  "Okay."

And off to sleep he went...

jbxo

Ace!

This is one of my bestest friends in the world - Pamela.  We have known each other since grade 9.  We were a group of four besties in high school.  We graced one another with nick names that we never actually used.  She was Ace.  I was Lola.  Now Pamela lives far away, but when I am treated to a visit from her it is as though not a day has gone by... I love that.  Especially since I kinda stink as a friend, I'm terrible at "keeping in touch", returning phone calls and all of that stuff (thank goodness for the internet!).  

Pamela is a very talented artist, and she has recently started a new venture, smashable art... creating custom, one-of-a-kind pinatas.  You can view her wonderful creations here.  Sometimes scary, sometimes funny... enjoy!

jbxo

Crazy River.

You may have picked up on this by now, but Julian is a very sensitive soul.  He also has a keen musical ear.  He memorizes songs almost instantly, and will let you know immediately whether he is fond of a tune or not.  His taste in music is pretty fantastic for a 4 year old, ranging from jazz to rock and a few old english tunes mixed in (there is nothing creepier than hearing your child sing "My Grandfather's Clock"... trust me).  The Beatles are his favourite (which makes daddy smile).  

He has pretty cheesy taste in radio stations, however.  His station of choice is a local "easy rock" number.  He loves it.  He can often be heard in his room belting out a little Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston... Unfortunately the station also has Robbie Robertson's:  "Somewhere Down the Crazy River" on rotation.  We discovered this at 10pm one night, when we found him screaming in his room, hands over his ears, saying:  "SCARY VOICES!".  This song totally, completely and utterly freaks him out.

Believe it or not, Andrew's best friend is the music director at said radio station, so we were able to pull some strings and have it removed from the 8pm to 10pm time slot.  This has solved a lot of bed time stress in our house.  Unfortunately every once in a while it sneaks its way on the air at 8:30pm... wreaking havoc on our nightly routine.

Would it be wrong to start using it as a "time out theme tune"?...

jbxo

i love her.

determined

stubborn

single-minded & silly...

isn't she lovely?

jbxo

best compliment. ever.

Tonight before bed, Julian to me:

"Mommy, are you a ballerina?"

I know what you are thinking, how could he possibly think I'm a ballerina, when I am obviously a world-famous chalk artist...

jbxo

Cargo.

Julian has discovered the ancient art of the "knock-knock" joke.  Truly a joyful moment in every parent's life.  Most of the time the jokes he puts together make absolutely no sense whatsoever.  He has, however, recently found a gem:

Knock-knock.

Who's there?

Cargo.

Cargo who?

Cargo beep beep!

We went to a 4th birthday party for his friend Matteo last weekend and I watched him literally work the room with this joke.  Unfortunately Nora (who doesn't quite understand nor appreciate the true artistry that is the well-timed-delivery-set-up of the knock-knock joke) has gotten in on the action.  This is how it has been playing out:

Julian:  "Knock-knock."

Nora:  "BEEP BEEP!"

It usually ends in tears.

jbxo

Doin' his Do.

Julian has CRAZY hair.  Don't get me wrong.  I love it, but it is crazy.  When his hair first began to grow as a baby it stood straight up in the air, completely defying the laws of gravity... and it has never stopped standing up.  He can also thank both of his parents for the cowlicks (by the way, I have always detested that term, impossible not to imagine a cow actually licking your head).

We keep his hair fairly short - mainly because I'm not sure what would really happen if it actually grew long - would it just keep going up?

As I said though, I love it.  It is crazy, it is kooky, it is Julian.

Last night as we were "having a little talk" (as he calls it) before bed he said:  "Mommy... why does my hair go up?  I want flat hair like the boys at school.  I want hair like Alexander's.".  I swear, it absolutely broke my heart.  How is it possible that even at the age of 4, children are already capable of noticing what is "different" about themselves... and even sadder is they are already so desperate to be just like everyone else.  

I told Julian he has magic hair, and it is beautiful.  I hope he believed me, because it's true.

jbxo

Place of Origin.

Discussion in the car this morning:

Julian:  "Mommy, where was Nora when I was a baby?"

Me:  "Ummmm, she didn't really exist... yet."

Julian:  "Was she in Daddy's belly?"

Me:  "No, not really..."

Julian:  "Where was she, Mommy?"

Me:  "Maybe she was with God."

Julian:  "Did God make my sister?"

Me:  "Yes, kind-of."

Julian:  (laughing) "That's silly, Mommy.  God made my sister like people making race cars!"

He then burst into hysterics.

I was just pleased we didn't have to venture into the "baby in Daddy's belly" territory.

jbxo

happy heart day.

Photo lovingly borrowed from:  amala.

Funny Julian story tonight.  During his bath he stood up, held "himself" and began to sing quite loudly.  Then he said:  "mommy, my penis is a microphone."

I didn't really know how to respond, so I said:  "I'm glad you like music."

jbxo

dee-doo.... out.

Nora loves her soother.  Of course no child ever calls it a "soother", do they?  Nora calls hers a "dee-doo".  I don't know who needs it more, her or us.  We have come close to breaking the habit before, but we broke down each time.  She would bang into something and scream:  "DEEEEEE-DOOOOOO", or she would get sick and pathetically whimper:  "dee-doo" :(  How can you possibly say no?!  The most frustrating part was that Miss Anna (her lovely daycare teacher) informed us that she goes the ENTIRE DAY there (including nap time) without it.  Humph.  Enough is enough I say.

Today Nanny picked up Julian and Nora.  They got back to her house.  Nora said:  "Dee-doo, Nanny?"... Nanny looked around.  No dee-doo.  Nora got over it - quickly.  Then I arrived to pick them up.  Nora SCREAMED:  "DEE-DOO!"... I didn't have one either.  I momentarily felt a real sense of panic.  Then I thought, I can do this!  She cried for a moment, but again she got over it.  We drove home and walked in the door, Nora ran to daddy:  "DEE-DOO!"... and believe it or not, there actually wasn't one in our entire house.  It also happens to be incredibly cold out today.  Terrible dee-doo shopping weather.  So, this was it.  It was time.  The forecast said so.  I "pretended" to look around for said dee-doo with Nora.  I explained to her that there wasn't one anywhere... then I said:  "Oh, Nora!  Do you know what this means?"  She looked at me, wide-eyed.  "This means you are a BIG GIRL NOW!"  Guess what?  She bought it.  Tonight, for the first time in two years she went to bed without a dee-doo, and before she fell asleep she actually carried on a conversation with me.  Amazing what a two-year old can say without a dee-doo in her mouth!

jbxo

Baby Daddy.

Today Julian turned 4 years old. 

Crazy.

This photo was taken in August of 2005.  We were in New York City, and he was 6 months old (and no, that was not his Corona).  How is it possible that he is 4 years old?  We celebrated his birthday tonight with music, nachos and home made organic brownies - yum!

Notes from Julian in regards to turning 4:

Me:  "Julian, I can't believe you are 4 years old!"

Julian:  "Mommy, do I have to be a daddy now?"

Love you Jbug.

mommy jbxo

You make me feel...

Tonight before bed:

Me:  "Julian, I have to tell you a secret."

Julian:  "What, mommy?"

Me:  "You make me so happy!"

Julian:  "Mommy, I have to tell you a secret."

Me:  "What, Julian?"

Julian:  "You make me so grumpy."

then he saw the look on my face

Julian:  "I love you mommy."

jbxo

Photo:  Self-portrait, courtesy of Julian

Bless you.

Today I came home tired and hungry... very hungry.  I was pleased to find that Andrew had dinner prepared, and was getting Julian and Nora situated at the dining room table.  He asked me to put together a salad... it was a yummy one.  Baby spinach, beans, chickpeas, eggs... mmmmmm.  We sat down for a lovely family meal.  Music playing softly in the background.  All was well.  For about 30 seconds.  Nora started crying, which quickly turned into screaming.  She didn't want to eat.  Well, she didn't want to eat from her chair, she wanted to sit on mommy's lap (who could blame her?).  Honestly, I would have let her sit on top of my head if I could just keep eating (so very hungry).  So, Nora on my lap, pleased as punch... me munching away, trying to avoid getting pieces of egg in her hair, when it happened.  Nora sneezed.  A big, wet sneeze.  Right over my plate.  The room was silent.  Andrew looked up from his plate, but I could tell he did not want our eyes to meet.  He didn't want to be aware of what he knew would happen next.

Yes, I....

just

kept

eating.

jbxo

A glimpse of beauty...

This takes my breath away.

Last fall mom was here for a weekend visit, and we took Julian and Nora to a local festival.  We found these two girls (ladies, really) doing a chalk drawing in the middle of the festivities.  They call themselves:  "chalk chicks".  I literally stood there, amazed, mouth agape, for about 5 minutes (or long enough for mom to come back to find me, and ask if I planned to join her for the rest of the day).  

What I loved the most about this, wasn't how stunning the piece itself actually was, but the fact that something so beautiful was also so temporary as it would be washed away with the first rainfall.  It made me feel special just for having seen it.

jbxo

Noo-Noo 2.

Today is Nora's second birthday.  I was in the shower this morning when she popped into the bathroom for a visit:

Me:  "Happy Birthday Nora!"

Nora:  "Santa come?"

Poor girl, her birthday will forever be shadowed by all of the glory that is Christmas.

Here she is in her new birthday toque... a must-have for winter birthdays in Canada.

Happy birthday, my little one.

jbxo