happy birthday noo noo.

Tonight I sat and watched the photos scroll by on our computer (screen saver) and I wept like a baby.

It is so true when older people say: "it all goes by too quickly".

You are already 3 years old my baby, my sweet girl.

Happy Birthday.

I love you. I love you more...

jbxo

If only.

The days are growing colder in Canada, but in another part of the world another summer approaches, and a family is missing their little girl. No matter what the weather is where you are, please share this message with every mom and dad you know.

For the Superprincess.

jbxo

Click on postcard to view larger.

Shared with permission from Sheye Rosemeyer.

Oh, so scary.

I went to the big city over the weekend to visit my lovely friend, Jenny. I was taking the train home after a very relaxing two days. We enjoyed some shopping, lunch with champagne, pizza and wine, an afternoon nap and a great night's sleep... ahhhh... I put on my iPod, leaned back in my seat, and began to close my eyes. No one was asking me for anything... just me, so very relaxed. Something caught my attention in the train car ahead of me. A figure swung around the corner, stealth-like... and was hiding behind the entry way to the car I was sitting in. I could feel my heart begin to pound harder. I could hear every beat in my ears. Slowly, methodically the figure was moving. Sliding something from it's back.... two very large, very sharp swords. I thought I was going to be sick. I could barely breathe. Then I saw the clothing... all dressed in black, face covered. A Ninja. How is this possible? A Ninja on the Go Train. Surely this couldn't be happening, certainly it wasn't all going to end like this. The Ninja then stormed down the steps, running towards me. I gasped, I was about to scream.... as the Ninja came nearer I closed my eyes tightly, and opened them just in time to realize the Ninja was a 6 year old boy, in his Halloween costume.

Boo.

jbxo

Photo: Nora's First Halloween 2007

deep thoughts...

I don't know why, but sometimes Julian gets in a contemplative, retrospective, somber mood. He will grow quiet, and sadly say to me: "Mommy, I don't want to die, because I will miss you - and I don't want my eyes to be closed all the time." Nora's response to this is (in a teary voice): "Mommy, I don't want to drive."

jbxo

Post-Modern Baby.

On Monday I was driving Julian and Nora home at the end of the day when the following conversation took place:

Julian: "Mommy, do you know where babies come

from?"

Me: (thinking, Oh God - this conversation can't really be happening... he is only 4.5yrs old... I haven't read that far ahead in the "how to take care of your children manual") "Um, how?"

Julian: "Babies come out of your bum, Mommy."

Me: "They do?"

Julian: "Yes Mommy. Babies come out of your bum, and they are black."

Me: (shocked, and about to lodge a formal complaint to school/daycare) "Julian, where did you hear that."

Julian: "My book."

Me: "What book?"

Julian: "My baby book."

Me: "What baby book."

Julian: "My baby book in my closet on the top shelf. The pink one."

Then it hit me. 1 month before Julian was born I found a Keith Haring book called: "Babies" and I fell in love with it. I purchased it in honour of our baby-to-be. On the inside cover I inscribed: "to Julian, love mom & dad xox 01.2005". I remember the excitement I felt making the purchase... picturing going through all of the wonderful works of art with my little baby boy. The book features one of Haring's signature images, the "radiant baby". As written on the inside cover, there are: "pregnant women dancing giddily, babies with halo and wings, cradled in their mother's arms or playing with their dad." About 6 pages into the book there is also the image of a woman (in blue) giving birth to a baby (in black) with the assistance of another individual (in green). I hadn't looked through the book since Julian was a baby. It is kept on the top shelf of his closet with all of his other "special books". Last week he had asked to look at it, and I happily handed it to him, thinking to myself: "Good choice, buddy!".

Yes, Julian at the fragile age of 4.5yrs is now fully versed on the in's and out's (literally) of childbirth, all because I wanted to raise him with a keen appreciation for art.

jbxo

joy.

My friend Lisa has always liked my handwriting, and she recently asked me to write this out so she could have it tattooed across her back.

joy: the passion of emotion excited by the prospect of possessing what we love.

Five years ago I also drew a butterfly that her mom had tattooed "somewhere" as well.

I can't really explain how it feels to know that my handwriting is out there, existing permanently on her, except to say that it brings me a lot of joy...

Thank you Lisa.

jbxo

the note.

It was a monumental day at our house today... Julian and Nora had a babysitter for the first time. Well, a babysitter who wasn't a blood relative for the first time. Call us over-protective, but they have never been watched by someone other than us, or a mom/dad/sister/brother... crazy, I know. They LOVED it. When Melanie left I asked Julian if he had fun, and his reply was: "Yes, I love her.".

About 5 minutes after Melanie left he asked if he could write her a letter, I told him I would write it if he wanted to tell me what he would like to say. The following is the exact transcript:

Dear Melanie,

Just a note to say: dress warmly, eat well, stay safe and sound. Grow your garden very big. We're always there for you.

Love,

Julian

We delivered the letter to her, and on the way home Julian said: "Oh, no... I forgot: 'keep on smiling'..." Luckily before he could overanalyze the missed sentiment he found a bottle cap on the ground (his new favourite toy/collectable item). He then exclaimed: "Wow! This is my lucky day!".

jbxo

She.

I have written about this lovely creature before... and her name has come up once again. Julian has recently taken to: "calling on" friends. As in knocking on their door, unannounced... looking for a play-date. Last night he wanted to call in on Anna, a sweet little girl who lives a few houses away from us. Unfortunately, Anna wasn't able to play, as she and her family were on their way out.

On the way home Julian trudged along, eyes on the ground. He looked up at me and said: "Mommy, Anna looked really nice. Almost like Sophia.".

I am quite certain that for the remainder of Julian's life all women will be compared against the immeasurable Sophia. Poor boy.

jbxo

I love you in the morning...

I love my office.  It is tiny and cozy, and decorated just the way I like it.  I sit in front of a HUGE window.  

Yesterday morning I was on a business call, when something out the window caught my eye.  I looked a bit closer.  Across the road there is a small hotel.  In that hotel there are many windows.  In one of those windows stood a naked man.  Please understand, he was not simply walking past the window, or even pausing for a quick glance outside while deciding whether to wear a T-shirt or sweater.  He was standing two inches from the window - completely and utterly naked.  The windows start around knee-height and go all the way up to the ceiling.  It was a full show.

Then she joined him.  His lady-friend, also fully naked.  They stood together and looked out the window.  Don't worry, they didn't see me staring, my window is tinted (thank God) and therefore I could continue to look, without appearing perverted (and while trying to remain focused on my business call).  They started to smooch a little, touch a little, and then they disappeared from view for three-and-a-half minutes (yes, I timed it on my computer clock).  He then came back for a little look outside, a little scratch "down there", and that was it.  Show over.  Back to work.  Nothing to see here.  I can not imagine ever standing naked in front of a hotel window in broad daylight.  I mean, at night, after a few glasses of wine, with all interior lights turned off, thus ensuring on-lookers from the outside can not possibly see in - maybe.  But at 10:00am on a Wednesday morning?  No.

I have no idea what picture to put with this post, so here is one of me - as naked as I'll get - in a bikini on the beach with my babies.  Oh yes, I get CRAZY at 10:00am when I'm on vacation!

jbxo

I don't want to be a pirate!

Julian has been fascinated by pirates for the last few weeks.  I think this fascination may have resulted from a super-cool pirate book from cousin Benny's third birthday party.  He even decided (in July) that he would be dressing up as a pirate for Halloween.

Saturday morning at 3am I awoke to Julian yelling:  "Mommy!  Mommy!"  I ran to his room to find out that he had a terrible nightmare.  About pirates.  He was very distraught:  "Mommy, the pirates locked me up on the boat, and it was scary!"

I explained to Julian that it was just a dream, there was nothing to be afraid of, and to think about all of the things he liked and he wouldn't have that dream again (my dad used to tell me this when I had nightmares of nuclear war when I was little - I know, I had some serious stuff on my mind when I was a little girl - he would tell me to think about kittens, and ice cream and clowns.  He didn't know I was also afraid of clowns... but, I digress).  I left the room.  I climbed back into bed.  I closed my eyes.  I drifted off to sleep... 

5 minutes later:

Julian:  "DADDY!"

Andrew:  "Yes?"

Julian:  "I don't want to be a pirate for Halloween, okay daddy?"

Andrew:  "Okay."

And off to sleep he went...

jbxo